Happy New Years! By Sara Spring

When I first met her, the words and stories tumbled from her mouth like a barrage of information I was not expecting and neither did I want. This was supposed to be easy. A simple moment that led to a simple night and then we could be on our way. Instead, I found myself wrapped up in her web of details all too difficult at times to follow, apparent that even she was forgetting the story herself.

We held on for a few months as she seemed nice enough. At times, she was all too willing to humiliate herself sexually when put in the position. It was this particular low of which she’d put herself that I also found to be repulsive. Thinking she belonged on a pedestal too high, but yet here she was begging and grasping for life, adoration, and a meal ticket so far beyond her reach that she could do nothing but fail. I’d already decided it was not my place to either assist nor allow her behavior to permeate my life, as lacking as it was, it had no baring with her. This, I’d sufficiently decided.

How I came to the conclusion to invite her on New Years Eve to a friends party I still cannot justify. They were non-judgmental and I knew we’d be transparent, no one would ask questions. As midnight came about, the look in her eyes became more sorrowful and heavy- as if she could not bear yet another year. In the fringe of my thoughts, I wondered if perhaps there was something I’d missed. I thought I sensed for a moment a darkness behind her eyes and easy bright smile. But the thought eluded me as I willingly pushed it from my immediate concentration and continued speaking with the beautiful woman before me with breasts that rivaled those in the room.

As midnight approached, my date kissed my cheek, and took note of her exit for the patio to have a cigarette, leaving my side. I watched as a babysitter does when disinterested in a child. So, when she left my sight not another thought of her entered my mind.

As I chatted politely in small talk with ——– wife,  a moment of panic welled within me and I wanted momentarily to find this woman I had brought. A desperate need to see her face and in the same moment, it was gone. A shriek sounded and we all turned towards the source as the edges of a dress flashed before us and heels looking vaguely familiar. Pushing thoughts away, the silence and horror filled the room and my mood quickly dissipated. A sinking feeling washed over me as I felt her small frame hit the cement twelve stories below us.

I could not have known but I’d understood. What was now her last kiss had only made my heart flutter but yet a darkness was tinged, that no one- not even I, could have erased. All the daydreams had not become reality and hardships she’d endured had no pay off. Even I could not help her there regardless of my selfishness or self preservation.