Hello, Goodbye and F*%$ You, By Sara Spring

Hello, pretty lady! Your thighs are looking marvelously large today; did you eat enough cheese to bloat your system properly? He asked as he eyed her back side.

Oh, you young thing, why wouldn’t I? I don’t like your shirt and tie; you look like shit of course. She smiles, her luscious lips stretching wide and her eyes fueled by love and reflecting pools of a sappy inspiration of nothingness.

Would you care to come over to my house and eat a plate of terrible chicken pasta? I am really a great cook. He asked, placing his hands proudly over his chest in great self admiration.

I am sure that’s a great idea but I will have to decline your offer from now on as I don’t really think you are Mr. Wonderful, in fact I am starting to think you are superficial and a terrible liar. Batting her lashes, she lowered her eyes flirtatiously.

Sounds great, I will pick you up at eight!

Perfect, I will see you over my dead body! Her voice dripped with honey sweetness.

Then we can get married and have children, my life would be perfect with you as my cute bride. We’d have amazing children and your biological clock has got to be stopping soon. So, this is my new pick up line: Your biological clock is about to run out and I am the perfect father for our lovely children. We can live in Connecticut, where I will be a business executive. I will buy you a house with a white picket fence and we can keep our children locked up in little boxes in the attic. I will wine you and dine you then I’ll lop off your head and wear your hair for a mask. Doesn’t that sound like a wonderful time, dear?

Yes, please. Let me know some more. The pretty lady crossed her legs and let her skirt move a little higher up her thigh.

The young eager executive did not blink but did take notice. Together they smiled and laughed as if in a picture perfect portrait world.